Actually, First Dates It is not a love programme, but one about Spain. It is a wonderful daily moment that reflects what we are and what others are on a first date. Some go in search of something serious after several stumbles, others to show off on TV, feathered alive. Those who approach the bar hot as a hot iron, those who say with their eyes that what they are brought for dinner does not fit their demanding requirements. In recent weeks, a woman said that she only asked that the man she was going to dinner with had all his teeth and another man admitted sarcastically: “For me it is enough that he breathes.”
Sometimes they come as hopeless romantics, sometimes they want adventures, polyamory and perreo. Men, women, non-binary people. Heterosexuals, homosexuals and bisexuals. Pansexuals, asexuals. First Dates It is a programme that brings modern Spain to the fore every night, shock therapy for the pre-constitutional, immobile cavern. And on Wednesday night it broadcast a Valentine’s Day special on Telecinco.
“On this day we become more in love“, warned Carlos Sobera, the presenter of the programme, to his team of waiters. Now that Jorge Javier Vázquez is not on the air, he may be the person who has the most fun on a television programme. Sobera has plenty of wit, he knows how to treat each of his guests. Last night, being what it is, the programme had the presence of a violinist who livened up the final decisions of the diners. A bit like Ara Malikian but with eye shadows made up with virtuosity. And now let’s go with the stories, because they were perfect. Not so much the endings.
Axel and Laila, handsome things
Axel is from Cameroon. A handsome guy without nuances. He says nonsense like he is “romantic, both personally and in life.” He tells the truth like he likes “brunette girls, brown-haired girls, with a nice ass.” They bring him to Laila, who is a beauty who fulfills the above and he, as soon as he sees her, says: “Wow.” When she —“I like to like and hotties”— tells him that in the summer she works as a bikini model, the man becomes very excited. There is little conversation because Axel has nothing else to say between courses other than: “You are beautiful,” so they feed each other and she confesses: “She has a very penetrating gaze.” Then they dance in the little room next to the restaurant and Axel decides to take it up a notch and dance a little like a Dirty Dancingalthough perhaps when the film was released he had not been born. “This erotic dance Magic Mike “It’s a good tactic for me to flirt,” he confesses, with a mischievous face, as if he had just shared with Spain the greatest thing that has ever existed. Of course, they say yes to spending a second Valentine’s Day together, although what they want is for the cameras to disappear and for them to do their handsome things.
Jose and Sergio, it burns, it burns
José is 34 years old, Venezuelan and he is not one for hearts or syrups. “I love sex and I need it daily, basically.” He also points out that he has been with about 1,000 men. “I hope more,” he jokes. So we can admit, without fear of being wrong, that we are either Julio Iglesias’ children or José’s lovers. It is good to have things clear. They take Sergio, a very nice guy who is called “Copón” and wears a t-shirt with his nickname in giant size. The dinner is, as my mother would say, dirty. “I need sex daily and if not, I call Manuela.” “You know, five against one always wins.” Here I refrain from commenting on anything because I was raised in a house where patriarchy reigned and they covered my eyes as soon as a shoulder was seen. They talk about sizes. “But you mean the size of the heart, the size of the hypothalamus…?” says Sergio, alias ‘Copón’, acting a bit mischievous. Later in the living room, when they have kissed a bit, cheered Venezuela and the romantic phrase appeared – “I would have made you suck” – they focus on the exact number of centimeters of the virile member to end with one of the most resounding sentences of the night: “More than 16 is already a missile”. Of course, they have a second night, but maybe before getting into the taxi they have already put their hobbies into practice.
Carlos and Magdala, little chapels
He is 62 years old, a virgin, but the poster for the presentation adds that he has no children, so we don’t believe him. He comes with two crowns, one for him and one for his “queen” and a guitar, because he wants to welcome his date with “a kind of saeta.” Since he says that his guide is Jesus Christ, as soon as the good woman appears he bursts out: “Oh Magdala, God bless you!” he hums. While many of us would have chosen to call the police, run away or call our best friend to rescue us, the saint who dines with him that night thinks it is a very good welcome. “Ole, hello!” she says. She likes to bless the table, and this gesture helps Carlos to consider that nothing is a coincidence, everything is providence, so she is the chosen one. Magdala is one of those kind people who doesn’t object to anything as long as you feel comfortable, so everything seems fine until her date tells her that she’s a virgin, that she’s waiting to find the right person to have children with, and she tells him that she doesn’t care about children, she’s already 58 years old and that, by the way, “sex is very important to me.” Carlos is a bit tiresome and doesn’t give up, he suggests adoption. They go separately, of course. With the guitar somewhere else.
Gaspar and Esther, trekking has no age
He is a retired tiler, 71 years old, and appears in a shirt and jeans, a bow tie and red sneakers, a leather jacket. In case anyone doubts his virility, he warns that he is a machine in sex: “Throughout the night, give him three.” This may seem incomprehensible, but we have to understand that one has his image among the neighbors. Absolute empathy, Gaspar. Esther appears. Very short white hair, a very long false red braid, designer glasses, a sequin jumpsuit with the lower extremities exposed. “My legs have grown a lot from doing mountain climbing and trekking. I also like showing my chest a lot.” Full throttle with Esther too. After the starters, she says she likes walking and the mountains and he says yes to everything but then confesses that he doesn’t know what “trekking” is. “Maybe it’s like when I lived in Granada, when we walked a lot and went hiking,” she adds. Gaspar, when the time comes, tells her that he’s not up for that kind of jogging but he is up for the bedroom. “I like kissing on the mouth and eating what’s underneath,” she clarifies. Then he says, as a finishing touch, that he’s looking for a woman like his mother. Esther finds all this intolerable, he says he likes more feminine women and they perform an infamous dance. Nothing, absolute failure. Moral: don’t trust someone who wears a bow tie and matching shoes.
Oscar and Yolanda, romantics with backpacks
He is from Navarre and appears dressed as a member of Il Divo. He is one of those who comes with a backpack, a divorce, a past. He really likes it because when you reach a certain age, with that head of hair, you see life in a different way. Yolanda loves that he dresses so well and is so well-groomed, that is, lots of hairspray and a quiff that is resistant to gales. Yolanda also has a backpack but she has put on a long red dress down to her feet with slits on the legs and neckline so that we can see that she is well-groomed for a while. On her shoulders she has tattoos, a crown and a diamond because self-esteem is very important for anyone. He receives her with a bracelet with a heart and she may be one of those who says of herself that she has not been lucky in love but that she might be tonight. “She is exuberant,” he says of her. Yolanda is lime and sand. He says that she likes “collecting moments” but that she is given her place. He shares that philosophy of life. Yolanda takes out her phone and shows him her Instagram account, where she appears very fresh and with little clothing. She complains that there are people who think that is wrong when she does not hurt anyone, except the very rancid. He sees about 10 or 12 photos and brings out the beast in him, perhaps hidden in his toupee: “I have already added it. This one will not escape me.” And it does not escape, of course. They go off happily as larks to collect moments. And with the bracelet, of course.
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