You send a message via WhatsApp to a co-worker with important content. The recipient reads it, and proof of this is the controversial double check blue that Meta introduced so that the sender knew the destination of his message. Minutes and hours pass, and you still don’t have an answer. The first reaction is surprise: our brain hates loose ends and a non-response is like having a bleeding wound that does not close. Is he angry about something? Has something happened to him? The first toxic thoughts begin to invade us, and that represents a turning point with unsuspected consequences.
In reality, what is happening is the difficult balance between unwritten rules of courtesy (known as netiquette) and the real situation in which each of the interlocutors finds themselves. “The reasons for not giving an immediate response can be multiple,” explains Cristina Villalonga, vice-rector of Digital Education and Technology at Nebrija University. “It is possible that the person is busy at that moment and cannot respond, but it may also be that the interlocutor has other times to manage communication in these spaces and has longer deadlines,” she explains.
Why do (bad) thoughts trigger us?
As can be seen, the fact of not having the interlocutor physically in front of me generates uncertainty in the person sending the message: “All this happens because I don’t have the receiver in front of me,” explains Joan-Salvador Villalonga, psychologist. “I only see double check blue and the remaining information gap is filled by anxiety,” he adds. And it is true, not knowing what has happened to the message can play tricks on us and although it is possible to be faced with someone with little education who does not want to respond, in most cases, this lack of response is due to the context in which where the other person is (at a meeting, at the dentist, etc.).
“It’s important to keep in mind that the recipient may be doing something that prevents them from responding right now,” Villalonga says, “and they simply prefer to wait and do it later; It doesn’t have to mean something bad. It is better to learn to tolerate ambiguity.” But, for the moment, we are focusing on the impact that not reading or not responding to a message has on the sender; In fact, to make things even more complicated, there are three scenarios that the sender faces: the read confirmation (double check blue), the delivery one (double check in gray) and the worst of all, the check simple in gray. What does each one mean?:
- Read receipt: The recipient has not only received the message, but has also read it (the platform even allows us to know the precise moments of delivery and reading). A priori, this scenario is the most distressing for the sender and the one that triggers questions such as “does he read me and doesn’t say anything?”, which, subsequently, can generate conflicts in physical communication with that person.
- Delivery confirmation: WhatsApp confirms that the message has been delivered to the recipient, but they have not opened it. And here comes another potential source of conflict: just because it hasn’t been opened doesn’t mean it hasn’t been read. How is this possible? There are techniques that allow us to access the content of the message without being seen, fundamentally, using the pop-up notification on the mobile. Problems can arise when this message remains ad infinitum without being opened and there is evidence that the other person uses the mobile phone. Yes, paranoia causes many senders to check the recipient’s activity in other areas, such as social networks.
- No type of confirmation: What happens when the message hasn’t even been delivered? There we enter the quicksand of uncertainty. The fact that a message has not even been delivered has only two readings: that the recipient is without coverage, or that has blocked us. Obviously, the brain will flirt with the second alternative, generating quite a few suspicions.
How to survive WhatsApp confirmations
As you can see, the scenarios are infinite when a sender clicks on the button send on WhatsApp. Knowing this, what is the most appropriate way to act? Cristina Villalonga suggests sticking to the basic rules of communication: “It is important to know the netiquette digital, that is, the set of rules of behavior in cyberspace,” he explains, “and these rules are nothing more than an adaptation of the rules of etiquette from the real (physical) world to the virtual one. They are usually summarized in ten basic rules, such as: presenting yourself appropriately, respecting the privacy of others, avoiding cyber bullying“, verify the sources of information, follow the rules of the digital platform, respect the times of others, do not forget to respond to messages, share knowledge, send files in appropriate formats and apologize for mistakes.”
Basically, it is about transferring basic rules of courtesy from the real world to the digital one. Can you imagine arriving at the office, asking a colleague if he wants coffee, and finding silence in response? On the other hand, and to avoid having a bad time or starting a war in the face of what is possibly a misunderstanding, experts recommend an infallible medicine: patience. “Simply learn to wait,” explains Villalonga. “When you see yourself waiting, you often learn that nothing happens, that the other person usually ends up responding and that waiting does not mean anything bad, so you see that the concern was not justified,” he adds.
In the vast majority of cases there is a reason that justifies a non-response or a late response. Getting upset or starting to see ghosts in the face of something for which you do not have the full context is a journey that does not contribute anything to the sender. Does this mean that all responsibility for managing these conflicts lies with the recipient? Far from it; The sender should respect basic rules based on empathy: a brief response, “I’ll answer you later,” a reaction to message —the latter is the simplest and least compromising option, since it does not induce a response—, will be enough for the communication to be carried out successfully.
Experts emphasize that in no case is it worth getting upset or raising enmity due to misuse of WhatsApp. In most cases, communication problems arise from ignorance or inattention.
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