Mireia has been a clinical psychologist for 20 years and sees between 15 and 20 patients a week. In the last six months she has detected something that disturbs her: the number of reasons for consultation related to dating applications. She remembers, for example, a patient whose sleep problems depended on having the application active or not. And people who came with symptoms of anxiety due to uncertainty or distress caused by rejection and abandonment.
However, the use of these applications increases exponentially day by day: what is happening? Does the growth of this new way of relating matter more than emotional well-being?
To answer this, we must first know the factors underlying these queries from users to specialists.
What effects does ‘match’ have on the brain?
A few years ago there was a lot of talk about addiction to substances like cannabis. Then came the scientific avalanche on the effects of being hooked on screens and now, perhaps, it has been the turn of dating apps.
The rise of these apps It is notable, although the study of its psychophysiological effects is not developing at the same speed. Since the creation of the first one –Grindr, in 2009–, many others have emerged with different options and a common objective: connecting people with an emotional and sexual goal.
Shortly after the appearance of the phenomenon, the professor Elias Aboujaoudefrom Stanford University, already stated that these types of tools could be addictive, since they offer users a high similar to a drug. This occurs when receiving a like (I like it) or a matcheswhich is when two people give each other a like mutually.
The psychological effects in self-esteem, self-concept or social identity after a matches they are obvious. However, the impact on the brain has not been studied as much, or at least there is no clear theoretical model. Of course, everything points to the reward system and the release of dopamine and other hormonal substances.
Said system It is the brain area linked to the feeling of well-being and the one responsible for us repeating a behavior regardless of whether it is reciprocated or not. Furthermore, it has been shown that it is not only activated when pleasure is generated, but also by the mere expectation that the pleasurable stimulus will arrive at some point. This occurs more intensely with everything related to love or the search for a romantic partner.because of the implication it has in survival.
Is there a ‘match’ addiction?
This is a difficult question to answer, since objective data would be needed on the amount of matches and its relationship with other sociodemographic and clinical variables, and not all applications make this information public.
For example, on Tinder no less than 70 billion matches since its creation. In fact, one’s own app has an option for users to download their statistics.
However, it is true that the frequency with which a person does matches It is relative and the factors involved are unknown, as shared by the users themselves in forums. What there is no doubt is that we are facing a global revolution regarding the search for a partner.
In 2019, the Organization of Consumers and Users (OCU) confirmed, for example, that one in ten Spaniards regularly uses dating applications, and that one in three of those users was addicted. A more recent reportfrom 2024, shows similar figures: more than four million people use these digital tools every month in this country.
Taking into account the data, it is logical to think about a possible addiction to matches, even more so if it directly affects the brain reward system. On the other hand, it has been shown that uninstalling this type of applications can cause a withdrawal syndrome in the person with symptoms similar to “disengagement” from a specific substance such as cocaine, for example.
And what effects does receiving an ‘unmatch’ have?
He unmatch is the explicit rejection of a profile after having obtained a matches prior and even having started a conversation history. This is what is known on WhatsApp or in other digital media such as ghosting. Although in this case it is one level above, since the unmatch deletes both the profile and the conversations with the person who sent it without any type of notice. It is as if the link had never existed.
Some studies have shown which is associated with a state of disappointment, sadness and hopelessness in which self-esteem and image are damaged. The rejected person may have intrusive thoughts related to punishment and guilt such as: “it’s normal that they don’t care if I’m worthless” or “what am I doing wrong for all these things to happen to me?”
Several neurobiological research on rejection and abandonment have found a response in the brain circuit of sadness, characterized by a decrease in cortical activity and the implication on other correlates of the autonomic nervous system.
A possible explanation suggests that emotional or sexual rejection activates specific brain areas such as the ventrolateral area of the prefrontal cortex and the insula, related to rejection experiences recorded at an early age.
Another possible scenario is that there is no response, nor matches neither unmatch. Here the protagonist is the anticipatory anxiety generated by uncertainty. Several authors point to this as the most disabling because it does not have a maximum limit and depends a lot on exposure to the stimulus.
You can also get out of the ‘match’ addiction
In managing this addiction, expectations, previous experience, level of self-esteem and certain personality traits play an important role. Setting time limits for using the app can help prevent compulsive behaviors. It is also advisable to lower expectations regarding dating that arise from our contacts, encourage genuine and meaningful conversations, as well as talk with trusted friends about experiences with the application.
Without a doubt, the way we relate has changed and our nervous system has to adapt. At that point, when not even the previous strategies prevent mental health from being affected, asking for psychological help can be the decision that saves us from addiction to alcohol. matches.
María J. García-Rubio is a professor at the Faculty of Health Sciences at the International University of Valencia – Co-director of the VIU-NED Chair of Global Neuroscience and Social Change – Member of the Psychology and Quality of Life Research Group (PsiCal), International University of Valencia
This article was originally published in The Conversation.
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